


The House That Didn't Build Me

by SpacedOut



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Childhood Abuse, Drama, Emotional, Hurt/Comfort, Idk where this came from tbh I just felt the need to write it, M/M, Revelations, Ryan realizing that Shane is important to him, Sexual Abuse, This is not Happy, kinda a happy ending tho, mentions of past sexual abuse, this is dark yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 16:43:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12708870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpacedOut/pseuds/SpacedOut
Summary: Ryan thought he could handle going back to his childhood home where he saw his "first apparition". Instead, Shane finds him shaking and crying on the floor in his old bedroom.





	The House That Didn't Build Me

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mentions of past sexual abuse.
> 
> *FICTIONAL STORY THAT HAS NOTHING TO DEAL WITH THE REAL SHANE AND RYAN*

Ryan took a deep breath as he looked into the black lens on Shane’s camera. _We're rolling._

“This week’s episode of Buzzfeed Unsolved is a little personal for me as we will be heading to my childhood home in L.A. where I experienced one of my first hauntings…”

“Cut. Ryan, you look terrified already. Are you sure you want to do this?” Shane teased. Ryan had come up with the idea one day while they were screwing around at their computers back in the office. 

At first, Ryan seemed pleased with the idea of going back to his old home but Shane also couldn’t help but see the something in Ryan’s eyes that did not seem quite right. Perhaps it was a look of defiance? Shane couldn’t be sure but was excited about the prospect of seeing the home that created the scared, timid Ryan Bergara.

“It was my idea in the first place. I can handle it. It just feels weird standing in front of my old home, you know? I have not been back here since we moved a long ass time ago.”

“Understood,” Shane nodded and lifted his camera back up on his shoulder, “We’re still rolling.”

“In this house, I saw what I believed to be an evil spirit. When I was thirteen, I remember sleeping in my room and waking up to the sound of my closet door slamming open and close. It continued for five minutes and once it stopped I opened the door and saw black scratches on my closet wall…”

Behind the camera, Shane gasped sarcastically, “Are you telling me that thirteen year old Ryan Bergara is a fuck ton braver than 26 year old Ryan Bergara?”

Ryan rolled his eyes and laughed, “I was half asleep, okay? If I had been more aware at what was happening I probably would have shit my pants and ran out of the house.”

“That’s more like it,” Shane chuckled.

Ryan grinned before straightening up for his next segment, “Now let’s look into the history. The house was built in 1911 and as far as the records show, no one has died on the property… however, my uncle…”

Ryan sounded like he choked on air. Shane just figured he had needed to cough or something and kept rolling. Ryan repeated the last sentence for the camera before continuing.

“My uncle used to live with us and later died in the home. The new owners have not reported any hauntings and the home is currently up for sale with no occupants living inside.”

Shane lowered the camera, “Shit, Ry. You didn’t tell me about your uncle.”

Shane noticed Ryan’s eyes look darkly at him as he looked up from the flashlight that was lighting his face for the video. It made the taller man uncomfortable for a brief moment.

“It’s okay. He was an asshole.” 

Shane shrugged it off. He hated a couple of his family members as well. He was, however, beginning to wonder why they were at Ryan’s old home when there have literally been 0 reports of hauntings (other than Ryan’s closet story). 

Perhaps Ryan wanted to come back to see that he wasn’t crazy about seeing what he saw, which Shane understood. He didn’t believe in all that ghost bullshit, but he was beginning to hope that Ryan could experience something tonight that will satisfy whatever it is that made him want to come here. 

“Let’s go in,” Ryan said before turning away from the camera. Shane followed him, camera continuing to record. 

Shane followed him up to the modest blue house with white siding and a bright red door. It honestly looked like a home that you'd find in a fairytale or fancy home décor magazine. 

Shane briefly pictured a younger Ryan living in the home. He liked the idea of learning more about his best friend’s childhood and was secretly excited to get inside. 

Ryan paused before turning the key, as if he was taking in every final moment before entering a battle. Shane went along with it, assuming that Ryan was being dramatic for the camera. 

The inside was just as pretty as the outside.

The walls were covered in light pastel colors such as yellow and blue and pink and purple and the kitchen had the typical black and white checkered floor with wooden cabinets and counters. If there had been more furniture, Shane would have suggested sleeping there for the night since it already felt so cozy. 

Ryan, on the other hand, was still in ghost hunting mode. 

He turned to look at Shane, “Let’s do some EVP in the living room and maybe set up a camera pointing at my closet door to see if we can capture something.”

“Sounds like a plan, Stan.”

Ryan grinned but it fell short. Something weird was up with Ryan and Shane was growing more and more curious/concerned.

The boys settled in the living room on the floor and pulled out their recorders. 

Shane started, “Hello there ghouls and goblins. I hope you guys remember my boy Ryan here. He used to live here with you. Come on over and give him a nice tap on the shoulder if you remember him.”

Usually Ryan would nervously laugh or roll his eyes, but the fear on the shorter man’s face disturbed Shane. He was beginning to think this wasn’t just an average ghost hunt.

Ryan started shaking and he shut his eyes tight waiting for a tap on his shoulder. 

Silence filled the room, that is, until they heard a short knock coming from upstairs. 

Ryan’s eyes flew open as he looked over at Shane. 

Shane grinned, “It was the wind. It’s windy out tonight, dude.”

“I bet it was him,” Ryan nearly panted out as he looked at the stairwell leading to the second floor.

That made Shane’s hair stand on end. He doesn’t believe in all that nonsense but hearing Ryan talk so cryptically like that gave him the creeps. 

“Him?”

“My uncle.”

“Ryan, I don’t know if this is a good idea to…”

“I’m glad that you’re here.”

“Well, thanks but...”

“I can’t do this without you.”

“Do what?”

Ryan ignored the taller man, “Let’s take turns going upstairs and see if we can catch some footage.”

Shane stared at him, confusion painting his features along with the flashlight's light.

“Okay…”

Ryan headed upstairs by himself into the dark, his flashlight off. 

Shane sat there with his light in his lap wondering how in the fuck he was more scared than Ryan right now. How Ryan was starting to scare him. 

A couple minutes passed. Ryan and Shane had not agreed on a time limit like they normally had to do because Ryan was that big of a scaredy cat. 

He wasn’t even rolling his camera at this point anymore. There was no way they could edit this into a decent episode of Unsolved. Shane would’ve been frustrated with Ryan if he had not been so concerned about the entire situation. 

Shane thought about what he had said just a few moments ago. 

_I can’t do this without you._

What the fuck did he mean?

Suddenly, Shane heard what sounded like a scream coming from Ryan upstairs. 

Shane bolted up the stairs, leaving all of the equipment on the floor minus his flashlight. 

The upstairs led to a hallway with a fuck ton of doors. Shane busted through each one. He finally found Ryan on the floor in the corner of the back room on the left. The smaller man was violently shaking and pounding his fist on the hardwood floor. 

Shane was fucking terrified but ran to Ryan’s side, grabbing his now bloodied fist and holding it in his own hands so that Ryan would stop punching. 

Tears fells down Ryan’s cheeks like a god damn river and his face was contorted in an expression that Shane could not fully identify. He could only describe it as fear, pain, sadness, and anger all balled up into one emotion. It made his heart pound to see his best friend like this. 

“What’s going on, Ry? What happened? Did the closet door slam?” Shane looked up and flashed his light towards the closet door. It looked undisturbed. 

“I thought I could do this…” 

“Hey, it’s okay. Let’s get out of here.”

“NO!” Ryan screamed in Shane’s face and it made him fall backwards, his elbows catching him on the hard floor. 

“He did this to me and now I need to burn this fucking place down!”

Shane looked down in front of where Ryan was cradled on the floor and saw what looked like a box of matches.

Ryan was planning to burn his childhood home down. 

Shane looked up at Ryan in horror, “Who did what to you?”

“He raped me. Again and again and again and I can’t fucking stop thinking about it. All of these fucking years I forgot and now I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Ryan broke down sobbing as he rested his head on the cold floor. 

Shane stared at Ryan as he tried to process what he had just said. He felt like the blood was draining from his body and his heart sank like an anchor in the ocean. 

Shane slowly crawled towards Ryan and gently rested his hand on the smaller man’s back. Ryan was violently shaking and the sobbing was not stopping. 

Shane made the quick decision to get Ryan the fuck out of the house. He carefully lifted his best friend up and hugged him briefly before standing them up. It was a challenge, but once they were standing Shane held Ryan’s shoulders and stared at him. 

“I’m taking you back to the hotel. I promise we can talk as soon as we’re out of here.”

Ryan’s face was red and wet with tears and it broke Shane’s heart.

“But… but I need to get rid of this place…”

“Ryan look at me,” he shook the younger man, “I promise you we will get rid of this piece of shit place but first I need you to go back to the hotel with me so that I know you are okay.”

Ryan looked like he was going to object but instead nodded. Shane wrapped his arm around his shoulders and led him out of the house and into the car. 

The ride to the hotel was silent. Shane had so many questions to ask Ryan, so many things to say. Instead, he settled on holding his hand as he sped over to the nearby hotel with a double waiting for them. 

Shane called one of their crewmembers that hung back at the hotel that night and asked him to run out their room key to them so that Shane didn’t have to leave Ryan alone in the car. 

The crewmember sounded confused and Shane shrugged him off explaining that Ryan wasn’t feeling good and that they were heading back for the night. 

Shane led Ryan to the hotel room and sat him down on the bed nearest the window before he knelt down in front of him. 

Ryan stared past Shane at the carpet. If Shane had not known any better, it had looked like Ryan was in complete shock. 

Shane lifted Ryan’s feet and pulled both of his tennis shoes off. The last time he had done that for someone, it had ended in pretty intense sex. This time, however, he was looking up at his clearly damaged best friend and it felt like the world was falling down around them. 

Shane grabbed Ryan’s arms lightly, his finger lightly brushing against two bulging veins.

Ryan snapped out of his shock. 

“I’m so sorry,” was all Shane could think to say. 

He meant it though. He really did. He should have read the signs that this episode was not a good idea. He should have seen the warning signs while he recorded Ryan stammering through his scripted dialogue nervously. He should have remembered all of the times Ryan shrugged off talking about his childhood years. Shane just always figured Ryan was a private person, which made him especially excited to visit his childhood home because he genuinely wanted to learn more about the best friend that he was slowly beginning to adore. 

“It was because I told him I was gay, you know,” Ryan looked down at Shane, tears filling his eyes again. 

That was new information. Ryan had been in relationships with women since they have been friends. There was never really a sign that he was interested in men, but then again Shane reminded himself that he could be the most oblivious human on the planet sometimes.

“Ryan, if you don’t want to talk about it—“

“I need to… I think. I need you to know this, Shane. I need to be honest with you.”

“Okay,” Shane tried to smile sympathetically but it just didn’t feel right. He could already feel the anger bubbling in his chest at the man that broke Ryan so badly. 

“My uncle came to stay with my parents and I after his house foreclosed. He was having financial issues and my dad wanted to help. I was ten at the time. My uncle was a lot of fun… at first. He made jokes all the time and I felt really comfortable talking to him... that is, until he found out that I liked boys…”

“When did you know?”

“Since I could remember. My parents never knew but my uncle seemed like someone I could trust so I told him.”

Shane didn’t like where this was going. He swallowed hard and waited for Ryan to continue. 

“He seemed fine with it. Shortly after I told him he said he wanted to teach me things…”

Ryan’s voice cracked.

“Ryan…” Shane wanted to pull him in for a hug but was afraid it would trigger the shorter man. He settled on holding his hand again and squeezing tightly. 

Ryan looked down at their hands and tried to smile at Shane as he blinked tears away.

“It went on for years, Shane. He would come to my room all the time. It was horrible. It felt horrible. It felt dirty and wrong and it made me hate everyone and everything. I wanted to kill myself. He eventually died of cancer when I turned 16. It was the best day of my life. We moved shortly after...”

“I’m so sorry, Ry. I get it now. I get why you want to get rid of the house.”

Shane’s heart was pounding at this point. He had not noticed but he had been crying since they got back from the hotel room. 

“I honestly kind of forgot what had happened to me. I repressed it. It was not until recently when I had nightmares about the house that it all came back to me. He came to me in my sleep and I honestly feel like he's haunting me. I just, I want to get rid of the house. Burn it to the ground. Maybe then the fucking nightmares will go away, you know? I saw my first ghost on the Queen Mary, not at home. I lied to you so that we could return to that shit hole and I could finally get the balls to do something about it…” Ryan looked down at Shane, “I’m sorry for dragging you into this.”

“Hey, it’s fine. It’s okay, I’m glad you’re comfortable enough to talk about this with me. You're so brave, Ry.”

“Well, there’s a reason why I chose you.”

Shane paused and waited for him to talk again. 

“You make me feel like I can be myself. You’re the first person to make me feel like that in years. You’re also the only person in the world that understands me and can listen to me and think logically. I love that about you.”

Ryan smiled for the first time that evening. It made Shane smile too. 

“Good, you make me feel that way too, Ryan. Only you’re the one that thinks illogically and I also love it.”

That made Ryan laugh.

Shane continued, “I also appreciate that you think I would totally be okay with you committing a felony and burning the house down with us inside of it.”

Ryan winced at that, “I know… I didn’t exactly think anything through did I?”

“No, but that’s okay. I understand. Fuck that fucking asshole.”

Ryan nodded. “Yeah, fuck him.”

Ryan lay back onto the bed. Shane stood up and sat beside him.

After a couple minutes of silence, Ryan spoke. “Will you sleep with me tonight?”

“Of course,” Shane replied. They’ve slept together many times before. This time, however, it felt urgent. Needed.

Shane left the lights on and tucked Ryan into bed before joining him. Shane stayed on his side of the bed, not wanting to make a move that would make Ryan uncomfortable. Ryan was the one to scoot closer to Shane. Shane rested a hand high above Ryan's waist carefully. 

Eventually they found sleep. It was the first time Ryan had slept nightmareless in weeks. It was the first time Shane felt like he had a purpose...

and that was to hold Ryan. 

*****

Shane bought the house. 

He picked Ryan up and drove him to the property.

Once they arrived, they pulled sledgehammers from the trunk and Ryan was the first to slam the hammer against the front door, making it fall to the ground with a loud thud.

Once they entered, they got to work.

**Author's Note:**

> Idk how I feel about this. This was just me testing to see if I can write dark shit. I'll write more for this fandom soon (send me prompts in the comments or on my tumblr trashmouthrichietozier)
> 
> Comments/Kudos appreciated! Criticism also welcome.


End file.
